


Blood in His hands

by sepherim_ml



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate ending: season 4, Blood Drinking, Crowley helps, Demon Blood Addiction, Incest, M/M, Sam Winchester Detoxing From Demon Blood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-08-19 18:19:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16539719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sepherim_ml/pseuds/sepherim_ml
Summary: Ruby and Crowley bring back Sam from hell, but Sam can't remember anything after planning on killing Lilith. Poisoned by Ruby's lies, Sam slowly descends into demon blood addiction until Dean intervenes.





	Blood in His hands

**Author's Note:**

> Written for SPN Reversebang 2018 for be_my_precious and [her great prompt arts](https://be-my-precious.livejournal.com/838917.html)! The original prompt art was super inspiring and I'm so happy I managed to write for it!
> 
> Thanks to Dani for the beta-work and thanks to weeping_ice for the cheering ♥

The first thing Sam feels is a pull, then, acute pain radiating through his chest.

Opening his blurry eyes in an unknown place, of which he has no recollection, rings all the wrong bells. No memory comes to mind to help him disentangle the mess in his head.

Once his eyes adjust to the light, Sam sits up, groaning in pain. He tries to get a sense on what's happening, why his limbs are so stiff and muscles are aching. His mouth is incredibly dry, his throat sore, words sticking to his clumsy tongue.

"Hey Sam," Ruby is standing in front of him, next to an unknown man in a pristine black suit.

"What - " Sam's voice breaks, panic flows into him. An agonizing thought forms in his mind, surpassing all the physical pain.

 _Dean. Where's Dean_.

The last memories are pieces of a puzzle he cannot fit together. He was on the search for Lilith, Sam remembers that very well. He was with Ruby, he had a fight with Dean and then? Sam's stomach churns with worry. _Where's Dean_. Why is he not there?

"This is Crowley, the King of the Crossroads. I made a deal with him to bring you back," Ruby adds, fully catching his attention. "You can trust us, Sam."

"Hello Moose," Crowley's face opens in a smug smile that give Sam the creeps. Sam can trust Ruby, but his instinct is suggesting him to not trust this demon.

"What happened?" Sam finally manages to ask in a raspy voice. "Where's Dean?"

Crowley seems amused by his questions, he motions to Ruby to go ahead. She approaches Sam, cupping his cheek gently. "I'll tell you everything." Then, looking at the man’s dangerous expression, she adds with a sigh, "and I'll bring you to Dean."

“Spit it out,” Sam massages his arms. The numbness to his limb is subsiding, but he doesn’t feel in shape at all. “I remember we found Lilith in an abandoned church. Everything is blurred after that. Lilith is dead? Why don’t I remember?”

“You killed Lilith,” Ruby adds, but there is no triumphant smile on her lips. “But you set Lucifer free. Turns out Lilith’s death was the 99th seal and you broke it.”

Cold terror grips his chest. All the months passed preparing to stop the apocalypse from happening, all the times he fought with Dean and now, Sam is the one on the wrong side. “Say that again.”

“Sam, we didn’t know,” Ruby makes the gesture to caress his cheek again, but Sam moves away. “Sam --”

“I freed Lucifer?” Sam closes the eyes, dizzy and nauseated. If he wasn’t feeling so weak, he would strangle Ruby. “We were wrong -- I trusted you and you fucked with me!”

“I didn’t know!” Ruby shouts. “How could I! I thought by killing Lilith, there was no way to make Lucifer come back. Sam, I was wrong! I --” Ruby sighs. “I screwed up, but I’m trying to set things right.”

“How? The Devil is walking free! There’s no turning back! Dean was right all along, he told me not to trust demon and I-”

“Sam, you died. I brought you back! When the seal broke, there was an explosion. I made a deal, ok?” Ruby indicates Crowley who is in the corner, almost bored by their drama. “I made a deal with Crowley. I sold him my afterlife as a demon, I --,” she looks pained, disgusted. “I sold myself to him to bring you back from the dead. Sam, I’m sorry, ok? I really am. But I’m here, I’m still by your side. We can fix this. We can take down Lucifer.”

Sam’s head is spinning at this point. Ruby doesn’t make any sense at all and Sam regrets he’s not strong enough to strangle her. His powers are gone, his strength drained and guilt is overriding his senses.

“You were powerful enough to kill Lilith, you can become powerful enough to take down Lucifer as well, with demon blood.”

“You’re delusional.”

“You can make it, I know you can. Sam, trust me again. I never betrayed you,” Ruby looks so human. “I sacrificed my afterlife for you. I’m with you.”

Sam remembers how powerful he could be with demon blood fuelling him. He remembers the kind of things he could do with that little push. He was wrong before, he will not be again. All in all, Ruby was right. Demon blood did really help him overcome boundaries given his human existence. He could be great, he could fix this.

Dean will forgive him.

“Trust me, Sam,” Ruby’s lips are on his cheek. She smells of sulphur, her blood sings to him. “I’m with you.”

 

***

 

Night has fallen when Sam finally meets Dean.

Dean is flabbergasted when he opens the door and finds the brother he thought dead alive and well.

Holy water, 'Christo' and a deep cut on his palm come soon after. Passing all this test phases makes Sam relive the past, when the situation was the exact reverse, and Dean was raised from Hell by the angels.

Dean has deep purple bags under the eyes and his breath smells of alcohol. Books are scattered all over the small table in the motel room, along with empty take away boxes. Sam couldn't expect anything less from his brother, he understands the sense of abandonment and the raw pain that Dean must have felt. He experienced it too, after Dean was claimed by Hell. 

He’s comforted that Dean wasn’t the one who brought him back, at least Ruby is paying a little for her decision. Dean has passed through too much, if he had done another deal for him, Sam wouldn’t have been happy.

"I wasn't sure you were dead, I couldn't find your body." Dean's voice sounds clipped, held back and something cracks inside Sam.

Dean's scent is reassuring and familiar when he crushes his brother in a fierce hug. Sam reaches for his lips, kissing him hard and violently, with Dean opposing only a small initial resistance.

The last kiss they had shared happened well before the apocalypse crashed into their lives. They were different once, but Dean has always been the only constant in his life and Sam swears to himself that he'll do better this time.

In the last year, they have kept a distance, both focused into their personal quests, trying to find different solutions to the same problem. When they're together, they're stronger.

Sam needs Dean, he needs to draw from Dean the last portion of strength necessary to make it possible to have a future together. Once Sam is able to do that, he will be unstoppable and they will be free.

He starts to strip Dean quickly, eager to touch his bare and warm skin.

"Sam, wait -- what happened? How the fuck did you get back?"

"Do we really need to discuss it now?"

"When I got back, a freaking angel and the whole apocalypse came back with me."

"Technically not true."

Dean rolls his eyes. "Oh, sure, let's make it philosophical."

"Let's discuss it later. I just want to feel you."

Dean finally shuts up.

 

***

 

Sam bears a heavy burden; since he was the one to free Lucifer by killing Lilith, he has to take responsibility for it by fixing his mistake. Sure, Ruby was fooled too, thus she will help him in his quest. The contrite expression on Ruby’s face makes Sam believes her, she had no part into the breaking the last seal and bringing Sam back to life grants her Sam’s trust.

Ruby was very clear to never let her and Dean meet. Sam cannot agree more, he just got back his brother and has no intention to lose him again, especially since the situation is so fucking desperate.

So when Dean asked Sam again how the hell he's there, Sam doesn't mention Ruby, Crowley or their plans to end the apocalypse. He doesn't take particular pride in looking into Dean's eyes and lying, but he does; he says that he doesn’t know, he woke up near a church, alive, so maybe angels have still a part in this. 

It helps that angels have fucked up before and apparently Castiel has gone rogue, siding with Dean. Heaven cut him off.

Dean's angry reprimand is expected and his brother spares him nothing of his disappointed recriminations. Sam promises to fix it, but he meets a wall.

"I don't know if I can trust you again."

Dean's words cut like blades, but Sam's resolution doesn't falter. Exorcising demons and drinking demon blood may be extreme measures, but they are the only solutions they have now. Sam plans to keep doing that, even if Dean disagrees.

It's wrong in the eyes of Dean, sure, so not to risk another fallout, Sam will do it behind his back with Ruby as his willing accomplice. After all, she may be the only person who can understand him.

 

***

 

One night after their confrontation, when Dean is asleep, Sam sneaks off the motel to meet Ruby.

The demon has already cut open her palm and offers it to Sam. "Drink it, Sam."

Demon blood floods in Sam's mouth, the taste is bitter, a combination of iron and sulphur, and Sam takes a second to close his eyes and savors the moment. It's _delicious_ , warm and satisfying.

He can feel it in his whole body, heating him up from inside like liquid warmth. His fingers press down on Ruby's arm, increasing the blood pressure, using tongue and teeth to tease the cut to open further.

Power is flooding into his veins, fuelling his own. All the doubts vanish in thin air and Sam feels invincible.

"Don't worry, we'll stop the apocalypse, just trust me."

Yes, he just needs more demon blood until he will be strong enough to take down Lucifer. He will succeed; he will fix his own mess.

 

***

 

Blood is making Sam feel better; he’s sharper, his senses are enhanced and fatigue doesn’t touch him. Emotions are less consuming, more easy to handle. So when Bobby calls him ‘a monster’, Sam is not hurt.

He doesn’t feel awful when Bobby stabs himself with the anti-possession knife, he doesn’t feel lost when Bobby bleeds in front of him.

Dean is worried and angry, Sam tries to imitate him, but he only thinks that Bobby’s blood doesn’t smell as good as Ruby’s. Instead, looking at Dean, he sees his brother weak and powerless, completely lost in the mess of the apocalypse, still broken by Hell, still uncertain.

Bobby gets better, in the end, he doesn’t die, but he’ll need to live on wheelchair for the rest of his life. He even apologizes for words that weren’t his in the first place. Sam accepts it, but he’s relieved to see that Ruby was right: Dean is still not ready, he cannot understand Sam’s reasons.

That night, Sam drinks Ruby’s blood and forgets any doubt.

 

***. 

 

 

Sam starts to have a double life, hunting with his brother and meeting Ruby in secret.

Some days are hard, some days are not. Focusing on Dean helps to soothe the edginess and the trickle of uneasiness under the skin and, when the itch becomes too strong, Ruby helps with her blood. It's a balance that Sam must make work.

"I need more," Sam says, firm yet desperate. It's been three days without drinking and when Ruby finally bares her cut arm, Sam start sucking on it violently.

"Just call me more. How about Dean? Is he noticing anything?"

Sam shakes his head, mouth and lips otherwise occupied. He vaguely understands that he's descending into addiction, but he knows he can overcome that. The first period can be tricky, as his body needs larger and larger amount of blood to adjust, but once he gets accustomed to demon blood again, Sam will reach the peak point and it will be easier to handle the need.

But Dean is starting to eye him suspiciously.

"What is happening?" he asks, once he sees Sam particularly on edge one day.

"What do you mean?"

"You've been all mysterious and shit recently. You went out last night. Spill it, Sam."

"Nothing, Dean." His fingers itch. For a moment the rage which is boiling under his skin is at the point of eruption; he sees Dean through a red-colored glass, the edges blend the more Dean keeps looking at him like he has understood everything. Sam turns away to regain his self control. "Sometimes I need some fresh air, you know?"

From the window, he sees Ruby standing there. She's smiling, pressing a hand on the stained glass. She blows on it, causing her breath to fog. Why is she doing this, where Dean can see her?

"You're not fooling me," Dean shakes his head. He doesn't see Ruby, not even when the demon starts tracing a word with her index finger on the fogged glass.

_B. L. O._

"Tell me what's happening..."

_O._

"... maybe we can ask Castiel to-"

_D._

At the mention of the angel, Sam snaps, "All is fine, fuck, Dean! Nothing's wrong, give me a fucking break!"

"Where are you going?" Dean fist wraps around his arm. "Sammy -"

"Out! Away from you!" He leaves, hearing Dean cuss from behind theclosed door. Ruby is gone, vanished out of thin air. Sam wonders if he has actually seen her or she was just an hallucination.

He phones her. No answer. He calls her again. No answer.

Sam needs to find another demon, _right now_.

 

***

 

Sun is high when Sam wakes up, naked and sprawled on a dirty stained bed. Ruby is sitting next to him, watching cable TV.

"Where am I? What happened?"

Ruby scoffs, "Calm down, cowboy. No riding happened. I had to undress you, you were covered in blood."

Sam vaguely remembers the night before, when he sucked dry a demon in a bar. He was so thirsty at the point of being careless of anyone and anything standing on his way.

She confirms it, "I found you in a bathroom, covered in demon's blood and with that said demon almost dead. Don't worry, no one saw you. I killed the demon, cleaned it up and brought you here."

Sam shakes his head, "It's going too far, Ruby. I need more and more blood every day." 

It's becoming so intoxicating, like a drug. He doesn't vocalize his thoughts, but assaulting a demon without thinking about the consequences is a signal things are getting out of hands.

Ruby looks annoyed, "Your powers are growing. You feel better now, right?"

In a way, Sam has never felt better. In this particular moment, he's feeling _pure power_. His skin feels tight, his fingers itch to move, to kill, to destroy something. Ruby is right, this is exactly what he's meant to be.

"Dean is beginning to notice," speaking of his brother, his cell has ten missing calls, all from Dean. "I need to go."

“Maybe we can go to Lucifer instead,” says Ruby. “You’re almost ready.”

“Almost,” Sam points out.

“Go to your precious brother to put your leash back on,” Ruby spits out. “But remember that we need to act soon. I have a hint where Lucifer is, we can’t postpone much longer.”

“We’ll do it tonight. Bring me other demons.”

“Fine,” Ruby surrenders and hands him a plastic bag. "Bought you some new clothes."

"Thanks for having my back."

He turns and start dressing, missing Ruby's calculating smile.

 

***

 

Sam opens the door of the motel room and finds Dean with Castiel. The rage erupts from his chest, bile taste invades his mouth while he tries to suppress the desire to use his powers to crush the angel who keeps hover around his brother.

"Fuck, Sam! Your eyes!"

It's Dean's voice who wakes up from his killing thoughts. Castiel is behind him, blocking his arms, while a finger presses on his forehead.

A surge of power takes over and Sam moves a hand, crushing Castiel against the wall, pieces of plaster falling off on the floor. Dean is quick to jump towards him, but Sam stops him mid-air, blocking him with his other hand. It’s easy to keep both Dean and Castiel still and Sam is victorious. Ruby is right, he’s ready to confront Lucifer.

"I saw you last night!” Dean shouts. “You sucked a demon like a fucking lollipop! How could you have done --"

"Let me explain, Dean," Sam is the first to be surprised by the smoothness of this voice. He's calmer, now. Dean is literally in his hands. No need to hide the secret anymore. "This is the only way to stop Lucifer and the apocalypse. We can't trust angels, they play by their own rules, they don't give a fuck about us humans. I'm doing this for us. This is working, I'm almost as powerful as Lucifer."

"You are a fool!" Castiel raises, but Sam just pins him against the wall again. The thin wall cracks around his body while he tries to free himself.

"You are being manipulated by Ruby! She's poisoning you with her lies again!" Dean screams, trying to wriggle out of the invisible grasp. "That fucking bitch is working for Lucifer! How can you trust her again? After everything --"

The door opens and Crowley appears, smiling like a cat, surprising everyone. "Oh, I'm interrupting a nice family quarrel, I see."

Dean screams in pain as Crowley uses his powers to move a big spike of wood - one that was on the table from their last hunt - to pierce his forearm. Furious to have his brother hurt, Sam lowers both his hands to strike the demon, but Castiel takes the chance to appear near him and touch his forehead.

Acute pain explodes in every fiber of his body, then, he falls asleep.

 

***

 

Sam wakes up in the dark and groans in frustration when he realises he’s back again in Bobby's panic room.

This time, hands and feet are tied to the bed with handcuffs bearing anti-demon and anti-angel symbols written all over them. The room must have gone through improvements, because now it also shows different symbols, written by Castiel probably, plus the whole perimeter is heavily salted.

"You awake, princess?"

"Dean, what you're doing," his eyes instantly fix on Dean. "Are we at it again?"

"If you keep being a fucking idiot, yes, I treat you like a fucking idiot."

"I'm doing what we do best, saving people and hunting demons! I just found a better way to do it!"

"This is not better! You are addicted to blood, how the fuck does this help us?" Dean is exasperated, and Sam wants really to punch him. "You were poisoned by Ruby, _again_!"

"She brought me back from the dead! She was the one who stayed by my side!"

Dean scoffs. "Yeah, did she tell you how she brought you back?"

"Ruby sold her afterlife to Crowley."

"Crowley sings another song," says Bobby with clipped voice. "Ruby was under Lucifer's orders all this time. She made you kill Lilith and break the 99th seal. When the recoil from the seal breaking killed you, Ruby coerced Crowley to bring you back, threatening him with Lucifer's future repercussions. You’re Lucifer’s vessel, damn if that bastard will let you die."

Vessel. That's the same word to indicate Jimmy Novak, the man Castiel possessed upon his coming to Earth.

Sam laughs, "How is that you trust a demon you just met and I can't trust Ruby?"

"You trust Ruby every time that fucking bitch opened her mouth, now you have to trust me and me only, Sammy."

"Demons lie, like you said."

"Hello again, Moose." Crowley is outside the panic room, near Castiel, both blocked out by the protecting spells. "Myself and Squirrel here," he points at Dean, "had a nice conversation and we came up with the idea for another travel to detox-land. Nice place you have here, Robert."

"Shut up," Bobby barks.

"You trust the King of the Crossroads over me, Dean, did you bond over tortures and your nice time spent in Hell?"

"I'm afraid we were not that close in Hell, right Dean?"

"And you, _you_ serve Lucifer," Sam adds short and sharp.

"I served no-one for a long time. Where do you think Lucifer will turn after destroying angels and humans? Demons. I do not want another master to serve, except myself," Crowley looks smug.

"A coward," hisses Sam. "All of you, you see only what you want to see. You are all weak and cowards. I'm the only one strong enough to fix all this mess," Sam laughs evilly. He wants to kill them, all of them, especially his brother, who acts all high and mighty on this hero horse, when he's nothing more than a broken shell of his former self. "I may have broken the last seal, but you, Dean, you started all of this."

Dean doesn't say anything, he stops Bobby before he can defend him, they go out, close the heavy door behind and leave Sam in in the dark.

 

***

 

Hours have passed, the sheets are wet by his sweat and Sam is screaming his brother's name over and over. He knows Dean can hear him and hopes he's hurting his brother more than the physical pain it's consuming him from inside.

Castiel is out the room, he doesn't say a word, he doesn't move, he's a statue of salt, guarding.

Sam tries to hurt him from distance, crush his head, make him bleed. He manages only to make the bed shake.

Sam keeps screaming, his body hot all over, pain splitting his head, but Dean doesn't come.

 

***

 

Dean parts his lips with the fingers and water pours in his sore throat, down his chin. It's fresh and burning hot at the same time and Sam spits it.

"Drink it, Sam," Dean's words are identical to Ruby's. The offer, though, not so welcome. "Come on, Sammy."

"I need blood, give me your blood, call Ruby, Dean, I need it," Sam begs frantic.

“That fucking bitch is dead.”

"Dean, I need it."

"No, you need to take water."

Sam _hurts_ him; Dean's cheek opens and the cut bleeds, drops of blood drips along the stubby jaw. The smell is different from demon blood, so sweet and intoxicating, and Sam takes a good sniff of it.

"Let me drink it," Sam licks his dry lips. "If you love me, let me, help me."

Dean's face crumples, eyes full of despair, he moves away.

"Why don't you see it?" Sam snaps, "I was doing the right thing! I was helping people, I was helping us, and now you're standing there, staring at me like I'm some kind of monster, while you're the same spineless self-centered bastard dad was before you!"

Rage explodes and the glass in Dean's hand shatters. Pieces of glass are scattering all around, entering into Dean's flesh, making him bleed. Bobby enters the room, making the whole scene stop, pushing Dean to the exit.

"It's the demon blood talking. It's not you," whispers Dean. "We're gonna save you Sam."

"I'm going to eat all of you. I will kill Lucifer. I'm going to kill you."

 

***

 

Days and night pass in a haze. Sometimes Dean comes to give him an injection of a sedative, then everything becomes even more blurred.

Hallucinations of demons, past mistakes and many, many Deans come to haunt him. The thin line between the reality and imagination disappears and Dean's solid hand grabbing his arm is the only anchor to the ground.

Slowly, the pain subsides, leaving him drained and exhausted. Keeping his eyes open is difficult, his throat hurts and spitting out words has become too challenging.

Guilt sweeps over and it's when Sam starts getting better. "I'm sorry, Dean," he whispers one day, in a sore voice he can even recognize as his own.

Dean tears up. "I know, Sammy. We'll get through this."

 

***

 

The first thing Sam does once he's freed from the handcuffs is roll onto his side and cry silently.

Dean leaves him alone in the room, but Sam knows he's waiting outside. Maybe he's crying too.

 

***

 

"Wanna come upstairs?"

"Better not," Sam doesn't want to leave the security of the panic room. He keeps sipping his chicken soup, avoiding Dean's gaze.

Bloodlust and the desire to hurt is long gone, replaced by the shame of his own actions, of the misplaced trust and all the pain has caused to Dean. He can hardly look at him now.

"Come on, Sam. Bobby will grill up some burgers and I can convince Cas to bring pies from that awesome diner in Philly, remember?" Dean's tone is light, Sam feels burning inside. After a long pause, Dean sighs, "I’ll leave the door open, come when you want."

The open door taunts him; Sam slips under the covers and tries to sleep. Nightmares come right after to torture him until he wakes up in a pool of sweat.

He stands up to close the door. Castiel stares at him in the dark without saying a word and Sam almost smiles in relief.

 

***

 

"What happened to you?" Sam runs towards Dean, checking the big purple bruise on his cheek.

"No biggie, doesn't hurt much."

The reality crashes Sam's world in a million pieces. Of course, the apocalypse hasn't stopped outside; Dean is fully involved, still fighting tooth and nail, while Sam lingers in self-pity and shame.

He looks at his brother, really _looks_ at him, and he find him so tired, strained and stressed that makes his stomach churn.

"I'm so sorry."

"You said that already."

"I know it doesn't fix the situation, us, but, Dean, I'm so sorry."

"Then come upstairs and fight with me," Dean says. It comes out as a prayer, more than a request.

Sam cannot refuse.

 

***

 

Bobby's house looks no better than the panic room. Shit, it looks like a gigantic panic room only with more furniture.

All windows are painted with anti-demon symbols and all lined with salt. Some walls are painted with the Enochian anti-angel traps, ready for anyone to activate them at need.

Bobby welcomes him with a "About time," then shoves in his hands books in Latin. "Work your magic, boy."

Dean grabs a beer and starts researching, trying not to make a big deal out of it. Sam feels right at home.

 

***

 

Sam wakes up suddenly. He stares his hands in horror, but they're clean from every trace of blood. 

Without further hesitation, he runs out the panic room, climbing the stairs two by two until he thrusts open Dean's room.

"What?" Dean asks in a sleepy voice. His mouth smells of rum when Sam comes close and cups his face, searching for anything belonging to his nightmare. "Where's fire, dude?"

No blood. No wounds. It's the same old Dean. "You're fine," sighs in relief. "You're okay."

"Sam -"

"I dreamt I was hurting you, it was so vivid." Sam can still taste Dean's blood in his mouth, feel his boy lump in his arms. But Dean is alive and well, warm under his touch.

"I'm fine, see?" Dean says. He glances over Sam's shoulder, probably signaling Bobby that everything is fine. The other man walks away, muttering of 'his beauty sleep'.

"Dean."

"Yes? Talk to me, Sammy."

"Let me stay with you tonight."

Dean scoots over, he's half naked, and Sam shudders when their skin touches.

"No cuddling, Samantha."

Sam finally sleeps, reassured by the warmth radiating from his brother near him, no nightmare disturbing him for once.

 

***

 

The night after, Sam follows Dean upstairs without saying a word. They sleep in a tangle of limbs and the morning they're all business again.

It becomes a habit and Bobby doesn't mention it once, even though sometimes Sam catches his attentive stare.

Then, one night, Sam wakes up and not from a nightmare. Dean is giving him the back, muffling a moan against the pillow and moving his hand up and down under the sheets.

His own erection is pulsing. Moving slightly, Dean jerks his face to the side and opens his mouth to say something, but Sam covers the distance and clashes their lips together.

Dean kisses him with the same abandonment and desperation. _I love you_ , he wants to say. Instead he grabs Dean's cock and starts jerking him. Dean moans against his lips until he finally comes against his neck, biting him.

 _I love you_ , Sam doesn't say it in words. He can't. There are still some walls that need to be taken down first.

They aren't a happy end couple, they're both broken and on the mend, struggling to remain human during the apocalypse.

Wrapped in the dark and lulled by the sound of Dean's breathing, Sam draws his brother in his arms. He will never let go. "I will make it up to you."

Dean stops breathing hard. He moves closer and let Sam tighten the embrace, hands clasped together, skin to skin. They stay like this until dawn.


End file.
